Insomnia strikes again...... sounds almost like a disease or an epidemic which has suddenly raised its ugly head yet again....... And while I write this, I realise that Im not the only nocturnal creature awake at this unearthly hour .... I hear voices of the lovely people staying downstairs ..... At first I ask .. are these voices in my head... do I think im hearing things which Im actually not ... and it freaks me out so I decide that it must be the people living under us ..... Its strange how u get the most weird, unwanted thoughts at times like these ....... and then u realise that its best not to entertain them ........ U wud rather get thoughts that choose to entertain u at such times......
So back to the sleeplessness bit....... I wasted 3 hours just "trying" to sleep and then when the radio also refused to cooperate given that the cell went dead, was when I finally pushed myself out of bed and decided to make some good use of this wonderful phenomenon called Insomnia ....... Till date I have rarely used this to my advantage ... In other words I have almost never used this time period constructively ..... Its so ingrained that " U shud try to sleep nahi toh jitni neend aa rahi hai ya aanewali hai, woh bhi chali jayegi"...... and then you wonder who the hell came up with this hogwash... Kahin mil jaaye toh uski neend bhi uda dein....... The conditioning is so strong that it takes long and arduous effort to break away from ......
The next thought is trying to identify and pin down the culprit who has been responsible for this state ... and after much thought the only thing that comes to mind is that I had tea rather late this evening .... And though this is a pattern and it always follows the same cause and effect path ... I still feel ...What the hell ya .. so what if I had tea late ...... why should that be a problem but like many other questions , this one too does not have an answer.. If it does , it does and u just have to take it in ur stride and do what u have to do which ideally is not have tea afte a certain time..... Im still not convinced but it has happened way too often to not be convinced ........ So if I dont learn I have to face the consequences or not being a good learner ........
This time around another "ullu" friend of mine was up and awake as she is now on way to fetch her darling hubby from the airport ... So till now we exchanged a few smses and I finally took her advice and started to write my blog.......
And the first thought was .. what better subject to write on than this ..... And just when I was about to begin, I heard some growling sounds from my tummy so I decided to start by nourishing and feeding it.....I wanted the creative juices to flow better, so as to facilitate the thought flow needed for writing rather than being distracted with the hunger pangs...... Since I wanted them to flow in the direction of my brain and not my tummy I gave in and ate my favourite Bourbon biscuits..... after which I felt satiated and began to write .......
As I logged in, the yahoo home page came on and suddenly there was this pop up of "shaadi.com" which said ... 'meet ur life partner on shaadi.com" ... I suddenly felt nauseous and the whole joy of eating bourbon just vanished ......The kind of people I have come across and actually met when I accessed that site, the less said the better .. I wud have rather seen an ad flashing which stated.. " meet a partner and then suffer life imprisonment together"........ Before my nausea could grow more I quickly got out of there and got down to doing what I had set out to.......
Its been an incessant downpour all night and somehow , for once I dont know why but Im not enjoying it.......I dont know if thats part of this whole syndrome...... I just chatted with another friend now in America ... on such occasions the time difference is such a boon and a blessing ..... U feel less isolated and lonely......... Now she is gone so Im back to my writing .......
On most nights like these I just listen to music on my cell and try to sleep....... Sometimes God is kind also .. atleast he makes sure the songs being aired are soulful and enjoyable and sometimes he is so kind that all the songs are your favourites ... but the epitiome of his kindness is when most of the favourites are also associated with or remind u of a feeling , emotion or a memory long forgotten or dug away deep inside somewhere ......... The painful chord is struck and then suddenly it gets raked up all over again.... So along with insomnia, as a bonus, u also get to enjoy these perks ...... The only phrase that comes to mind to throw more light on this kind of a situation is " when rape is inevitable u may as well lay back and enjoy it"............
The good thing is that now my mind is distracted enough and Im flowing with the writing process...... though in bits and pieces I am reminded of my long day tomorrow and how it will go since I have a track record of being cranky, whiney and irritable when Iv not had my fair share of sleep..... And the cherry on the cake is when on such days I have my counselling sessions ...... At such times I almost feel like telling my client.." ok we are doing a role reversal today :)" .... The only trick on such days is to be as busy as possible so u have no time to think and the day just passes by and before u know it , night arrives and then u can look forward to some good quality sleep ........Sleeping in the day is not a good idea as that screws up my body clock even more .....
By now Im actually listening to many voices and people laughing loudly .... And Im like .. wow people do this by choice as well.. as in the 'staying up' bit .. but the people downstairs are pure night birds .. they are up almost all night and must be catching upon some beauty sleep in the day ..... On most nights my house floor vibrates because they blast on music and have parties way too often...... In jest I have invited the lady owner of that house to come over and experinece the wonderful vibrations herself the next time around, and all she does is smile and the suddenly laughs out loud ..... and dashes any hope I have that this pattern might end .....I know she has no intention to change anything..... And then from somewhere another thought pops up which says ...'Atleast someone is enjoying life to the hilt irrespective of what others think or feel'...... And sometimes depending on my mood I either think ...'what the hell... we shud complain .. how can u not think that you are disturbing others' or then..' what the hell.. they are only having a good time which by no yardstick is a crime'....... So all in all I just let it go..........
Its 4.30 am and all I have are some teeny weeny bits of sleep in my eyes and I know if I even try to go to bed in this state, all optimistic and hopeful, that my sleep will befriend me and we can sleep together happily ever after ..... this myth will be busted as soon as I hit the bed and all Il do thereafter is toss and turn for the next couple of hours .......A total waste all over again.... So not worth it .......
The feeling that your halfway there but have still not been able to cross over to the other side and cover the entire distance to your sleep, is not a good feeling at all...... It leaves you even more restless than when you started out.......I can still hear the pitter patter of raindrops outside my window .... this time softer than earlier...... almost sounding like they are also tired and want some respite ........
5am and am wondering ... should I really call it a day or actually a night and try to go to bed ... Am undecided and unsure which doesnt leave me feeling too great.... And suddenly something happens which transforms my confused state to one of certainty as to what Im going to do next.....My mother walks through the door and throws a glance which has " have you lost ur marbles' written all over it and Im quite sure that all I want to do now is to go straight back to my room and jump into my bed whether or not I get sleep otherwise tomorrow I might get a nice sermon of a concerned mother or rather concerned parents...... Anyway, since I have nothing more coming to me in the form of words, I kinda decide to end this piece and sign out ......... Till ofcourse my uninvited guest decides to knock on my door yet again.......
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Better late than never ..........
I could not think of a very patriotic title for this post so this is kind of a working title ...... It will remain so if I cannot think of a better one by the time I finish writing this ..........
This post is for all thats happening in our country at present ...... We all wanted this ... we wanted to see a change or atleast the begining of it but none of us knew what to do or where to start ...... We just felt so small and insignificant in being instrumental in bringing about any change and kept justifying it by saying 'what can a few handful of people with good /right inetentions do'....At the same time we were also so pessimistic that we almost always said 'nothing will change ... this country and the systems here suck'..
And ONE MAN , who is 74 years old has taken the initiative and proved us all wrong and HOW! .... One tiny man, with high stature has done the 'so called impossible'..........Given the skepticism which is so ingrained and which is so much part of our conditioning due to all that we see around us, day in and day out , still makes me feel, "I hope I/WE am/are not speaking too soon"........
I had heard of things that happened as part of our freedom struggle and seen them in movies ..... But what it really feels like, is what we are all getting to see now ..... Maybe its too premature to talk like that or feel elated, but it certainly gives more than a ray of hope to all of us who have just cribbed and ventilated about the sorry state of affairs in this nation .........
But even if this is mometary ( and I hope its not) ,I want to soak in all its glory .....Its so heartening for a change, to see the police providing a security cover to Anna Hazare and his supporters , rather than to a bunch of moronic buffoons (politicians) who have most certainly not earned it nor are worth it .......
The humungous crowds, all chanting in one voice that we want to do away with corruption and providing whole hearted support in whatever capacity they can to this great man's greater vision .......This is so amazing to say the least .......
And again from a common person's perspective I think the media is doing a good job and getting across that voice to people all over the world ... It feels reassuring to hear callers from different parts of the world , like New Zealand, America etc calling in to support this noble cause and say that if this bill is passed and if it looks like something will really be done against corruption , they would want to come back to their own country as these are the very issues that made them think of relocating in the first place .........Or to see Indian people lead marches in other parts of the world where all Indians have come out in huge numbers ...... It just shows how U can take an Indian away from India but u cannot take India away from an Indian..... Indian always at heart and proud to be so!!!!!!!!
For once the government seems all quiet after doing ridiculous things like calling Anna Hazare corrupt and trying to malign him or saying that this facade will die down and no one will be able to do anything and the fuuniest or the most insane thing I have heard a minister saying is US is behind all this ......Till now they only tried our patience , now they are even trying our intelligence ...... The fact that this movement is happening right under their nose is a tight slap on face of the government and they should ideally bow their heads down in shame because the writing on the wall is very clear for once and it shouts out aloud and says, " We put our faith and trust in you, voted for you and see how terribly you failed us "........Any self respecting Party who is in power would give up their power and walk out if such a 'no trust' motion is being passed ... but we unfortunately are talking about power hungry, corrupt, hardened criminals so to speak who want to stick to their chairs and are so thick skinned that nothing affects them.......
Even at a time like this ... seeing our parliament in session is so amusing ..... the government in power and the opposition are busy slinging mud at each other and trying to pull each other down...... They all look like a bunch of uneducated and uncivilised people and they are actually the ones in power.. How very sad and disillusioning is that.........And what upsets me more is that we have given them that power ....... Is there no way to undo this damage ? Is there no way that someone like Anna and the likes of him form a political party and are voted into power however idealistic it may sound... Hopefully we can start afresh and on a clean slate .......
We have always had the option of only choosing between the frying pan/ fire or between the devil/deep sea....... Why dont we ever have a better option ........ When will we see a day where India is not seen as a corrupt country and the term politician will no longer be synonomous with hooligan, buffoon, bloodsucker, goonda, uneducated, uncivilised, corrupt, criminal, inadept and the list can be endless........
Today this movement signifies a "no confidence' vote BY the people .. Is that not enough to implement a change ????? What every Indian sees on any news channel on his t.v. set is PEOPLE POWER and I wish this does not die down.. I hope this gains more and more momentum by the day.......... And we all can continue to do our bits ..... visavis not buying tickets in black even if we are dying to see a particular film with our favourite movie stars in it, or not bribing a cop who was willing to cut out a receipt for a certain amount fr eg, Rs 200 but we paid him a 50 or a 100 to not do that just because we did not have the time to get into 'procedural' hassles, or we do not encourage donations which amount to ridiculous figures, just for getting our children into BIG schools which are more commercial organizations and have very little to do with academics ........ We are all guilty of what we are trying to do away with , though in smaller proportions, but we have contributed to the corruption in this country.........
If we want the CHANGE we have to be the part of it and instrumental in bringing it about and we have to be sure of our own principles visavis what we will /will not do just to make life either a little bit more easy for us or get away in the name of the typical 'sab chalta hai' attitude or console/ justify ourselves by sayin "mere ek ke na karne se kya fark padega" .... It may seem insignificant today but in the longer run it will certainly go a very long way when the singular translates into the plural!!! And we are all already witnessing a glimpse of what can happen if that comes about ........So never say never..... We have to change our own attitudes first ... We have to become law abiding , conscientious, civilised citizens of our own country and then we will ceratinly see the country of our dreams being turned into what we have always visualised it to be.......
Even as I end this piece ... the news channel is on and I see this frail looking ANNA seated in front of a huge picture of the MAHATMA....... One who was responsible for a revolutionary past and the other, hopefully a revolution in the near future ....... I still cannot believe the heart warming support in the form of thousands if not more, of Indians gathered on the ground to stand up as ONE against what we have already had enough of!!!!
I love my India !!!!!!!!!!!!
This post is for all thats happening in our country at present ...... We all wanted this ... we wanted to see a change or atleast the begining of it but none of us knew what to do or where to start ...... We just felt so small and insignificant in being instrumental in bringing about any change and kept justifying it by saying 'what can a few handful of people with good /right inetentions do'....At the same time we were also so pessimistic that we almost always said 'nothing will change ... this country and the systems here suck'..
And ONE MAN , who is 74 years old has taken the initiative and proved us all wrong and HOW! .... One tiny man, with high stature has done the 'so called impossible'..........Given the skepticism which is so ingrained and which is so much part of our conditioning due to all that we see around us, day in and day out , still makes me feel, "I hope I/WE am/are not speaking too soon"........
I had heard of things that happened as part of our freedom struggle and seen them in movies ..... But what it really feels like, is what we are all getting to see now ..... Maybe its too premature to talk like that or feel elated, but it certainly gives more than a ray of hope to all of us who have just cribbed and ventilated about the sorry state of affairs in this nation .........
But even if this is mometary ( and I hope its not) ,I want to soak in all its glory .....Its so heartening for a change, to see the police providing a security cover to Anna Hazare and his supporters , rather than to a bunch of moronic buffoons (politicians) who have most certainly not earned it nor are worth it .......
The humungous crowds, all chanting in one voice that we want to do away with corruption and providing whole hearted support in whatever capacity they can to this great man's greater vision .......This is so amazing to say the least .......
And again from a common person's perspective I think the media is doing a good job and getting across that voice to people all over the world ... It feels reassuring to hear callers from different parts of the world , like New Zealand, America etc calling in to support this noble cause and say that if this bill is passed and if it looks like something will really be done against corruption , they would want to come back to their own country as these are the very issues that made them think of relocating in the first place .........Or to see Indian people lead marches in other parts of the world where all Indians have come out in huge numbers ...... It just shows how U can take an Indian away from India but u cannot take India away from an Indian..... Indian always at heart and proud to be so!!!!!!!!
For once the government seems all quiet after doing ridiculous things like calling Anna Hazare corrupt and trying to malign him or saying that this facade will die down and no one will be able to do anything and the fuuniest or the most insane thing I have heard a minister saying is US is behind all this ......Till now they only tried our patience , now they are even trying our intelligence ...... The fact that this movement is happening right under their nose is a tight slap on face of the government and they should ideally bow their heads down in shame because the writing on the wall is very clear for once and it shouts out aloud and says, " We put our faith and trust in you, voted for you and see how terribly you failed us "........Any self respecting Party who is in power would give up their power and walk out if such a 'no trust' motion is being passed ... but we unfortunately are talking about power hungry, corrupt, hardened criminals so to speak who want to stick to their chairs and are so thick skinned that nothing affects them.......
Even at a time like this ... seeing our parliament in session is so amusing ..... the government in power and the opposition are busy slinging mud at each other and trying to pull each other down...... They all look like a bunch of uneducated and uncivilised people and they are actually the ones in power.. How very sad and disillusioning is that.........And what upsets me more is that we have given them that power ....... Is there no way to undo this damage ? Is there no way that someone like Anna and the likes of him form a political party and are voted into power however idealistic it may sound... Hopefully we can start afresh and on a clean slate .......
We have always had the option of only choosing between the frying pan/ fire or between the devil/deep sea....... Why dont we ever have a better option ........ When will we see a day where India is not seen as a corrupt country and the term politician will no longer be synonomous with hooligan, buffoon, bloodsucker, goonda, uneducated, uncivilised, corrupt, criminal, inadept and the list can be endless........
Today this movement signifies a "no confidence' vote BY the people .. Is that not enough to implement a change ????? What every Indian sees on any news channel on his t.v. set is PEOPLE POWER and I wish this does not die down.. I hope this gains more and more momentum by the day.......... And we all can continue to do our bits ..... visavis not buying tickets in black even if we are dying to see a particular film with our favourite movie stars in it, or not bribing a cop who was willing to cut out a receipt for a certain amount fr eg, Rs 200 but we paid him a 50 or a 100 to not do that just because we did not have the time to get into 'procedural' hassles, or we do not encourage donations which amount to ridiculous figures, just for getting our children into BIG schools which are more commercial organizations and have very little to do with academics ........ We are all guilty of what we are trying to do away with , though in smaller proportions, but we have contributed to the corruption in this country.........
If we want the CHANGE we have to be the part of it and instrumental in bringing it about and we have to be sure of our own principles visavis what we will /will not do just to make life either a little bit more easy for us or get away in the name of the typical 'sab chalta hai' attitude or console/ justify ourselves by sayin "mere ek ke na karne se kya fark padega" .... It may seem insignificant today but in the longer run it will certainly go a very long way when the singular translates into the plural!!! And we are all already witnessing a glimpse of what can happen if that comes about ........So never say never..... We have to change our own attitudes first ... We have to become law abiding , conscientious, civilised citizens of our own country and then we will ceratinly see the country of our dreams being turned into what we have always visualised it to be.......
Even as I end this piece ... the news channel is on and I see this frail looking ANNA seated in front of a huge picture of the MAHATMA....... One who was responsible for a revolutionary past and the other, hopefully a revolution in the near future ....... I still cannot believe the heart warming support in the form of thousands if not more, of Indians gathered on the ground to stand up as ONE against what we have already had enough of!!!!
I love my India !!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
An Ode to Friendship.....
The title for most of my dear pals would be 'an ode to frandship' and they would understand .... :) Today on friendship day ..... I just feel like celebrating the spirit and essence of friendship ...... Life would really not be so interesting without friends .... They all add so much colour and flavour to our lives ..... I cannot imagine my life without my 'frands' ..... and Im talking about all.... the ones whom Iv known for years, but still dont remember when and how we became friends and honestly thats the last thing that really matters .. It just feels like we have known each other forever...... and the other ones who came into my life in the recent past and we have grown so thick in the shortest span of time ... that I almost wonder how these things happen........One of the wonders or miracles of nature .......and just as well cos I would like to have it no other way ........
And what really stands out for me is the "timing" of how someone who is practically just nothing more than a stranger, just walks into your life from nowhere and becomes someone so special and stays there for keeps..... Most of my dearest friends are the ones whom I havent really gone and seeked out .. They just came into my life by chance and circumstances and became an integral part of my life ... I feel a lot of gratitude towards someone up there cos this certainly wud not be possible without his grace ........
The happy times become far more enjoyable and memorable when there are friends to share them with and the sad or tough times become so much less stressful and easier to cope with, only cos of the support and love of true friends who are always such strong pillars of strength standing by our side whenever we need them.......
Whether its something sad to share and offload , or something happy to enjoy, or something bitchy to gossip about, or then last but not the least, the pure unadulterated nonsense and madness, the fun is in doing all this ONLY with ur pals .........
To me , friendship means ..... fun, laughter, joy, heart to heart chats , sharing some of my most silly thoughts and most quirky moments ....... to be able to be myself totally without the fear of being judged or condemned....... to be there for your friend through both their best and worst , to be able to take off on each others whims, fancies, idiosyncracies and quirks but at the same time not let them affect the love and feeling you have for each other.......to be able to be completely crazy and do mad stuff that you can remember and laugh about for years to come..... and to cherish all this, always and forever :)
I always think that people who have good friends are truly blessed.... and Im fortunate to have some really lovely people as friends in my life ........So on this friendship day this one is certainly dedicated to all my dearest pals whom I cannot imagine life without :)
Normally words come so easy to me on any and every topic and this one is really close to my heart so I thought there wont be a derth here , but suddenly I am at a total loss ... maybe Im just overwhelmed!
Had stopped writing midway as went to meet my friends at barista in honour or friendship day .... and am resuming it now........ and I realise that there still is a lot to say or share but am not finding the words ... Somethings can just be felt and cannot always be expressed in words ........ And today evening's meeting also highlighted that ...... The group together ... laughin , chatting away , reminiscing old times , talking a fair load of senseless stuff and still enjoying oursleves to the hilt...... and ofcourse missing the rest of the group members along with their unique quirks .......
Something that happened this evening would sum up this piece very well cos it depicts the true essence of friendship ....
Barista was unusually cold with strong air conditioning and I had worn a sleeveless top, not realising that it would be that cold within .. Given our past few experiences at the same barista we have usually complained about the AC not working at all ..... My friend Manjusha had a shawl on her and she offered it to me which I politely declined cos I knew she would need it as feels very cold ..... But she insisted that I wrap it around myself as I was just about recovering from a viral ...... I still tried to resist but she did not relent so I wrapped it around me and felt comforted and warm instantly .... Alongside we tried to get the guy there to turn the AC down but that did not happen for quite awhile ..... During that time I knew that my friend was feeling quite cold herself, but did what she did cos that was the concern of a friend ..... To me thats FRIENDSHIP ...... These are the gestures that just throw light on what friends are all about and what friendship really means ....... And if you are true genuine friends then this comes so naturally ...... None of us would think twice or even make a big deal about something like this cos thats what most of us would do, given the way we feel for each other .....
I have just put this out in words .. It sounds descriptive but the feel of it is as overwhelming as it is fulfilling! There are many many more such instances that keep happening between 'friends' and just add to this whole journey of FRIENDSHIP that we have all embarked upon together................. Its like a comforter that completely engulfs you and provides enough warmth to take care of yourself when you need to......
So this one goes out to all my lovely lovely friends who have been with me and continue to do so...... We have built a treasure of memories of all these lovely moments spent together, which I truly cherish.......... And here's to many many more memorable ones in the times to come.......... Love you all...............
And what really stands out for me is the "timing" of how someone who is practically just nothing more than a stranger, just walks into your life from nowhere and becomes someone so special and stays there for keeps..... Most of my dearest friends are the ones whom I havent really gone and seeked out .. They just came into my life by chance and circumstances and became an integral part of my life ... I feel a lot of gratitude towards someone up there cos this certainly wud not be possible without his grace ........
The happy times become far more enjoyable and memorable when there are friends to share them with and the sad or tough times become so much less stressful and easier to cope with, only cos of the support and love of true friends who are always such strong pillars of strength standing by our side whenever we need them.......
Whether its something sad to share and offload , or something happy to enjoy, or something bitchy to gossip about, or then last but not the least, the pure unadulterated nonsense and madness, the fun is in doing all this ONLY with ur pals .........
To me , friendship means ..... fun, laughter, joy, heart to heart chats , sharing some of my most silly thoughts and most quirky moments ....... to be able to be myself totally without the fear of being judged or condemned....... to be there for your friend through both their best and worst , to be able to take off on each others whims, fancies, idiosyncracies and quirks but at the same time not let them affect the love and feeling you have for each other.......to be able to be completely crazy and do mad stuff that you can remember and laugh about for years to come..... and to cherish all this, always and forever :)
I always think that people who have good friends are truly blessed.... and Im fortunate to have some really lovely people as friends in my life ........So on this friendship day this one is certainly dedicated to all my dearest pals whom I cannot imagine life without :)
Normally words come so easy to me on any and every topic and this one is really close to my heart so I thought there wont be a derth here , but suddenly I am at a total loss ... maybe Im just overwhelmed!
Had stopped writing midway as went to meet my friends at barista in honour or friendship day .... and am resuming it now........ and I realise that there still is a lot to say or share but am not finding the words ... Somethings can just be felt and cannot always be expressed in words ........ And today evening's meeting also highlighted that ...... The group together ... laughin , chatting away , reminiscing old times , talking a fair load of senseless stuff and still enjoying oursleves to the hilt...... and ofcourse missing the rest of the group members along with their unique quirks .......
Something that happened this evening would sum up this piece very well cos it depicts the true essence of friendship ....
Barista was unusually cold with strong air conditioning and I had worn a sleeveless top, not realising that it would be that cold within .. Given our past few experiences at the same barista we have usually complained about the AC not working at all ..... My friend Manjusha had a shawl on her and she offered it to me which I politely declined cos I knew she would need it as feels very cold ..... But she insisted that I wrap it around myself as I was just about recovering from a viral ...... I still tried to resist but she did not relent so I wrapped it around me and felt comforted and warm instantly .... Alongside we tried to get the guy there to turn the AC down but that did not happen for quite awhile ..... During that time I knew that my friend was feeling quite cold herself, but did what she did cos that was the concern of a friend ..... To me thats FRIENDSHIP ...... These are the gestures that just throw light on what friends are all about and what friendship really means ....... And if you are true genuine friends then this comes so naturally ...... None of us would think twice or even make a big deal about something like this cos thats what most of us would do, given the way we feel for each other .....
I have just put this out in words .. It sounds descriptive but the feel of it is as overwhelming as it is fulfilling! There are many many more such instances that keep happening between 'friends' and just add to this whole journey of FRIENDSHIP that we have all embarked upon together................. Its like a comforter that completely engulfs you and provides enough warmth to take care of yourself when you need to......
So this one goes out to all my lovely lovely friends who have been with me and continue to do so...... We have built a treasure of memories of all these lovely moments spent together, which I truly cherish.......... And here's to many many more memorable ones in the times to come.......... Love you all...............
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