Almost a year ago a friend told me about this app called Tinder! She was looking to date and had found her then current boyfriend on it. She encouraged me to try it even though I was quite apprehensive. Apparently it could also be used to make friends and network. Now these propositions sounded more interesting to me. I cannot fathom the idea of hooking up with complete strangers to have fun (punn intended)! Fortunately or unfortunately, even though I often have raging and deprived hormones I cannot have fun! My bad! I need a heart/soul connect. Anything less than that does not work for me. Great for those who can. I am made up of other stuff I guess. I've surprised myself on couple of occasions in the past but the men always turned out 'fuski' (frivolous, spineless) and rather unevolved or plain not ready. It was an awesome connect but they just dint have the balls or pretended like they never saw it for reasons best known to them. Maybe I gave them benefit of doubt which they dint deserve. Maybe they were plain downright jerks or scum in human costume! I don't know and I could'nt care less! Overtime I have recognized a lot of this latter variety. They are the most dangerous creatures on earth. Most dignified and respectable social images but if you were unlucky enough to see the other side or what their real inner core was made of you would shudder. They have inner demons which they unleash on completely unsuspecting souls.They wear social masks which when fall reveal the most ugly and often mentally sick personalities. This variety of men is so rampant that you would be both shocked and amazed to realize how many of them prance around like honorable and socially revered members of society (Mind you! They almost always get the most number of likes on their facebook pictures and updates!) They often wear an attitude which when translated would easily say " gods gift to mankind". I like to call this category of men as vultures in human clothing! I've had the misfortune of dealing with this variety of species and I simply put it down to having to settle karma with them or having to evolve or both!
Anyway coming back to Tinder ...I downloaded the app and its pretty funny and unique in the sense that if you like a profile you swipe right and if you don't like it you swipe left! The good thing I thought was you are allowed to chat only if both have swiped right(read as liked each other). What makes people swipe right or left is a different question altogether! Given that its predominantly a dating app I would assume its the outer appearance/ package! For me if I swiped right it was purely based on two things, one was pure instinct and second was if I liked what they wrote in their description. I am a big one for wit, humor and intelligent matter. Its half the battle won! My Tinder experience has been interesting. I no longer am on it. I've had my fill I guess! But I am going to try and share some of it here.
So since most guys were on it to have fun or date I cant blame them for hitting on me as they would have probably assumed the same for me. But the pick up lines are most amusing. Thanks to my amazing memory I may not really remember the ridiculous ones. Though I remember a couple that stood out purely because they were shockers for me. So this one American or Australian dude started the conversation with
"How big are your breasts?". My immediate instinct made me look for how to not continue this conversation further and that is how I discovered the 'unmatch' feature which I instantly clicked on! Reason for unmatching from a multiple choice was 'inappropriate messages'! Another dude asked 'have u had sex before?'. By now I was a pro at unmatch! Another dude just said or rather asked "Sex"? Reminded me of sellers selling commodities of offering services randomly! Hilarious! Its also funny how the level of interest they show in having a conversation with you works on the law of diminishing returns! A graph that started out with so much promise but crashed like there was no tomorrow. I guess some of them realized soon enough that I was not the 'fun' variety. Its also funny how some of them look at you like you are supposed to play the role of the spicy ingredient which completely changes their boring and mundane life. When they asked me what I do and I would say psychologist most times the reaction was " Oh I hope you are not reading my mind"... That sentence from anyone is such a put off and immediately shows me your level of intelligence or lack of it! I would just brush it off most times by saying that I am off duty here. Sadly very few got the humor in that one too. What I really would like to say in response to that question would be, 'Yes I can and your a complete ass/ dickhead'{polite/no nonsense mood alternately)! Then there are those who try hitting by saying 'Oh you are so desi'( read as uninterested in sex talk!). To these I always want to say only one thing! The world is your playground. Feel free to leave and settle somewhere where the non desi thinking and culture suit both you and your needs.
Some started by some kind of weird foreplay like how they wanted to nibble your ears or pour chocolate sauce over your face and then lick it! And all this even before a 'hi/hello' or a normal conversation or introduction! At such times I behaved like a dumb cow which made them lose interest on the spot. Or I would say something so drab and dry that it hits the 'turn off ' button in them. I just found it all too funny. The earlier me would have been shocked and disgusted but now I've learnt to treat everything as entertaining or fodder for my writing so I just get amused. There are some who will ask if you will let them kiss you when they meet you. All this they have just inferred. And this is after telling them your here only to make friends, if at all anything!. Maybe they think when a girl says no she means yes. The most erroneous and crappy concept! Or maybe they think they are studs whom girls cannot refuse! Then there are some progressive (sarcastic!) ones who will show surprise and wonder as to how you are unmarried at age 40! I say I am an ancient mummy. Again, goes above their head. One guy asked where I live and we happened to stay in the same area. It was his day off at work so after precisely ten minutes of chatting he insisted that I should go over to his place! I am still speechless! Some cant gather the courage to ask for your number so they say 'oh this app is very slow' or 'im logging off tinder. U wont be able to be in touch '. Really funny!Some stay in touch for awhile and disappear making you wonder what happened! Never mind! Some I had the temptation to diagnose with mental disorders purely based on what they chose to show me in our interactions! My experiences with "married men" on tinder deserves another post altogether. Some on the other hand were really nice and I am still in touch with them.
And the pictures!!! OMG! Most amusing. Varied from shirtless, to only crotch, to some actor's pic, to only butt to god knows what all! Name it and you have it there! Most entertaining!
Last but not the least, comes the time for the ones I connected and got along with for good reason. Four to five, I guess I am still in touch with. Never met. Only chatted. But nice guys, sweet, funny, intelligent. And consistent. I like consistent in a world where inconsistency has become a norm.They are like any of your other friends. You can have intelligent or down right silly conversations with them. They make fun of you and vice versa! They tell you stuff that they know will psyche you and they laugh at your cost and you don't mind! They send you random pics of stuff or people that mean to them. I like these people and they like me I guess. They are the nice guys. They fill the void that I have always experienced. That of not having many male friends with just a friendly and healthy relationship. No ulterior motives, no agenda! I spent my growing years in a convent school with only girls. My only interaction with boys was that with my brother and his friends and maybe few cousins.Though I went to college which did have co-education, but because of the stream I chose I had only girls around me. Being a mental health professional in a non corporate environment made my interaction with men rather limited. Which is precisely why I have always seeked and cherished normal healthy friendships with men of the sensible and non lecherous variety! These few guys on tinder have done the needful to some extent and I am grateful as somewhere I guess my stars have changed whereby I have stopped meeting or attracting jerks in my life. And I hope I am not speaking too soon!
So all in all its been fun ( my concept of fun!) and I have enjoyed the ride. Why I got off tinder? I don't have the answer. I went by pure instinct even though I was sent an article about the dangers of tinder which was not really applicable to me as I was never on it to date. But good to make one aware and be cautious. My journey with it was complete. I just felt I did not really have the time or inclination to swipe right or left anymore though it can get very addictive. I loved swiping left.. It may sound mean but I felt like I was throwing trash in the bin!! Made me feel very happy! In a sadistic way maybe but then I had my share of being a saint almost my entire life! I owe myself this much harmless fun! :)
Till we meet again..........
Anyway coming back to Tinder ...I downloaded the app and its pretty funny and unique in the sense that if you like a profile you swipe right and if you don't like it you swipe left! The good thing I thought was you are allowed to chat only if both have swiped right(read as liked each other). What makes people swipe right or left is a different question altogether! Given that its predominantly a dating app I would assume its the outer appearance/ package! For me if I swiped right it was purely based on two things, one was pure instinct and second was if I liked what they wrote in their description. I am a big one for wit, humor and intelligent matter. Its half the battle won! My Tinder experience has been interesting. I no longer am on it. I've had my fill I guess! But I am going to try and share some of it here.
So since most guys were on it to have fun or date I cant blame them for hitting on me as they would have probably assumed the same for me. But the pick up lines are most amusing. Thanks to my amazing memory I may not really remember the ridiculous ones. Though I remember a couple that stood out purely because they were shockers for me. So this one American or Australian dude started the conversation with
"How big are your breasts?". My immediate instinct made me look for how to not continue this conversation further and that is how I discovered the 'unmatch' feature which I instantly clicked on! Reason for unmatching from a multiple choice was 'inappropriate messages'! Another dude asked 'have u had sex before?'. By now I was a pro at unmatch! Another dude just said or rather asked "Sex"? Reminded me of sellers selling commodities of offering services randomly! Hilarious! Its also funny how the level of interest they show in having a conversation with you works on the law of diminishing returns! A graph that started out with so much promise but crashed like there was no tomorrow. I guess some of them realized soon enough that I was not the 'fun' variety. Its also funny how some of them look at you like you are supposed to play the role of the spicy ingredient which completely changes their boring and mundane life. When they asked me what I do and I would say psychologist most times the reaction was " Oh I hope you are not reading my mind"... That sentence from anyone is such a put off and immediately shows me your level of intelligence or lack of it! I would just brush it off most times by saying that I am off duty here. Sadly very few got the humor in that one too. What I really would like to say in response to that question would be, 'Yes I can and your a complete ass/ dickhead'{polite/no nonsense mood alternately)! Then there are those who try hitting by saying 'Oh you are so desi'( read as uninterested in sex talk!). To these I always want to say only one thing! The world is your playground. Feel free to leave and settle somewhere where the non desi thinking and culture suit both you and your needs.
Some started by some kind of weird foreplay like how they wanted to nibble your ears or pour chocolate sauce over your face and then lick it! And all this even before a 'hi/hello' or a normal conversation or introduction! At such times I behaved like a dumb cow which made them lose interest on the spot. Or I would say something so drab and dry that it hits the 'turn off ' button in them. I just found it all too funny. The earlier me would have been shocked and disgusted but now I've learnt to treat everything as entertaining or fodder for my writing so I just get amused. There are some who will ask if you will let them kiss you when they meet you. All this they have just inferred. And this is after telling them your here only to make friends, if at all anything!. Maybe they think when a girl says no she means yes. The most erroneous and crappy concept! Or maybe they think they are studs whom girls cannot refuse! Then there are some progressive (sarcastic!) ones who will show surprise and wonder as to how you are unmarried at age 40! I say I am an ancient mummy. Again, goes above their head. One guy asked where I live and we happened to stay in the same area. It was his day off at work so after precisely ten minutes of chatting he insisted that I should go over to his place! I am still speechless! Some cant gather the courage to ask for your number so they say 'oh this app is very slow' or 'im logging off tinder. U wont be able to be in touch '. Really funny!Some stay in touch for awhile and disappear making you wonder what happened! Never mind! Some I had the temptation to diagnose with mental disorders purely based on what they chose to show me in our interactions! My experiences with "married men" on tinder deserves another post altogether. Some on the other hand were really nice and I am still in touch with them.
And the pictures!!! OMG! Most amusing. Varied from shirtless, to only crotch, to some actor's pic, to only butt to god knows what all! Name it and you have it there! Most entertaining!
Last but not the least, comes the time for the ones I connected and got along with for good reason. Four to five, I guess I am still in touch with. Never met. Only chatted. But nice guys, sweet, funny, intelligent. And consistent. I like consistent in a world where inconsistency has become a norm.They are like any of your other friends. You can have intelligent or down right silly conversations with them. They make fun of you and vice versa! They tell you stuff that they know will psyche you and they laugh at your cost and you don't mind! They send you random pics of stuff or people that mean to them. I like these people and they like me I guess. They are the nice guys. They fill the void that I have always experienced. That of not having many male friends with just a friendly and healthy relationship. No ulterior motives, no agenda! I spent my growing years in a convent school with only girls. My only interaction with boys was that with my brother and his friends and maybe few cousins.Though I went to college which did have co-education, but because of the stream I chose I had only girls around me. Being a mental health professional in a non corporate environment made my interaction with men rather limited. Which is precisely why I have always seeked and cherished normal healthy friendships with men of the sensible and non lecherous variety! These few guys on tinder have done the needful to some extent and I am grateful as somewhere I guess my stars have changed whereby I have stopped meeting or attracting jerks in my life. And I hope I am not speaking too soon!
So all in all its been fun ( my concept of fun!) and I have enjoyed the ride. Why I got off tinder? I don't have the answer. I went by pure instinct even though I was sent an article about the dangers of tinder which was not really applicable to me as I was never on it to date. But good to make one aware and be cautious. My journey with it was complete. I just felt I did not really have the time or inclination to swipe right or left anymore though it can get very addictive. I loved swiping left.. It may sound mean but I felt like I was throwing trash in the bin!! Made me feel very happy! In a sadistic way maybe but then I had my share of being a saint almost my entire life! I owe myself this much harmless fun! :)
Till we meet again..........
3 comments:
This needed to be said, hope it helps some naive persons who get on to such sites !! . Online dating is becoming dangerous, some of the stuff reported by you is bordering on sexual harassment. Also my apprehension is that people hide their identities , marital status , age etc on such sites and there is no way of finding out the "real" person.
I loved the tone of your narrative .
Kudos !! Waiting to read more.
Thanks Cheets! Yes it does border on that but you see we are labelled as desis and not progressive enough. Guys i refused to go out on drinks with ask me if Im under 18 and laugh and they just dont understand whats wrong with it! Its an alternate reality which helps some people forget the actual reality. U can be something else , have fun and never be found out. It makes their real drab lives a little more exciting! It can be a scary world though Iv portrayed it in lighter vain.....
An interesting read Tipa! Despite of your apprehensions, you gave it a go and had varied experiences-- funny, scary, shocking and insightful..You made a few friends, had a laugh and took pleasure in ,as you put it 'trashing the rubbish ones in the bin' ! Brave girl and it's all a learning experience! Xx
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